I WROTE THESE POEMS WHEN I WAS 18 AND 19 YEARS OLD~ TWO OF THE DARKEST YEARS I WENT THROUGH BUT I DO NOT REGRET THEM, FOR I WOULD NOT BE THE PERSON I AM TODAY WITHOUT THEM! THEY AMUSE THE HELL OUTTA ME WHEN I REFLECT BACK ON THE EXPERIENCES THAT CREATED SUCH ANGST IN ME!
JUNE 16, 1998 10:38 PM
We could all be philosophers~
if
we
just
use
our
heads (HEARTS!)
June 16, 1998 10:45PM
Damn! I’m BRILLIANT!
if only people could SEE!…
if only I could SEE myself.
DEUCE
It is beyond mesmerizing and bordering on insane
To witness the morphing personality
One so awkwardly pleasant
The other so mysteriously reckless
Do you even know
where you are at times?
VACANT EYES
feeling the stare of vacant eyes
the sound of muffled cries
I miss you
an averse heart begins to stir
with memories of what and who you were
I MISS you
The distant stare
is too much to bear
I miss YOU
Won’t you please come back
from the dismal abyss of the black
I miss YOU
DEPRESSION
new light breaks from the horizon
the blue birds cannot cease from singing
their joyous harmony of appreciation
in this NEW DAY
all appears beautiful in this corner of the world
but I have a headache
THE SEAMSTRESS
How do you mend a wounded SOUL?
It is too difficult to embrace
for it has a marathon runner’s heart
Conversing with it is futile
for it speaks in foreign tongues
It lacks the ability to play
as it has lost its childlike essence
Where to do turn when all appears LOST
How do you mend a wounded SOUL?
MEMORIES
The memories of you
they will not fade.
I refuse to let them
these memories I’ve made.
Locked in my heart
they will forever stay.
Nothing can rip or steal
these memories away.
An intricate collaboration of carefree days
in the wild sun’s light
Intertwined with hours of restless fear
under the blanket of night.
I covet these memories of you
but refuse to create any new.
LOCKED INSIDE
Walls closing in
nowhere to go and nothing to do but think
Will I go CRAZY
from all these thoughts
crammedinmyhead??????????
I do not yet feel I can set them free
So
they
stay
forever
mixed-up
in
my
head
ACHING TIME
Time aches through our bones
with each passing hour
heads like a boulder
minds like stones
Amusing and confusing faces
crowd the streets
drawing the life
out of too many peaceful places
Will the slow flow of time
finally draw cause to bend
It must
It will
turn rocks to water
at the end
SOLELY EXISTING
Do not think tonight
Just Breath tonight
Know you are OKAY
Believe your Okay
in the simplicity
that you are HERE
This shall be NOW
the only mattering fact
It shall be the only fact that ever
really matters at all
Depression 2
the world is FUCKED UP
don’t give a damn ’bout your looks of shame
because you, too, know it’s true
the entirety of the world
is hanging by a single thread
each of us one leap from the edge
with no fear of going the distance
the future has its grasp
on our weary, little necks
Don’t flatter me with your optimistic opinions
and Pollyanna attitudes towards it all!
THE WHOLE WORLD IS FUCKED UP
AND YOU KNOW IT
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